FYI...My initial deactivation message ---> [link] -- I DID see all of the messages on that post and thank each and every one of you for that support. <3
I have re-activated early because a few people close to me were so very hurt and upset for my leaving...and I honestly didn’t mean to do that to them. One being my dearest *spring-sky. I’m sorry to have scared you so much, Hiba. Me and Minnie love you.
I am going to remain inactive. My page is bare. I will be back again after the 1st of the year. I assume I’ll have many message by then, but I may or may not be able to reply to the all of them–though I will read them all and will make an effort. I will definitely begin responding to everything moving forward once I return. My involvement with my watchers and visitors will remain the same--and will likely be even stronger. However, my involvement with the community will be vastly different. Just how much so is yet to be seen.
I don’t want to comment on the drama because, you know what, it always seems so petty after the fact. However, I can say I am still terribly wounded and things I have seen since the initial drama have only left me feeling more isolated and alone. I'm not arguing that individuals don't have a duty to emerge themselves and do their part to get noticed on dA, but it's not only up to them. The community should make a conscious effort to reach out to the newcomers and embrace them, too. It's a two-sided street. This whole, "if you don't fit in, it's your own fault" attitude makes me so sad because I have seen many people try so hard for so long and never have it happen--and so many leave hurt and rejected. But my words and opinions have never counted much, so I won't say any more on the subject.
During this time, I have to tell you, I was floored. A couple of people who I felt were friends really proved to me that they are, reaching out to me to talk things out. Others didn’t, and that's cool because I now realize where I stand with them. Sadly, the vast majority were simply silent and it was just so hurtful; I have to admit I really do understand my standing in the community now and it will not be nearly as hard to walk away. That said, there were a few people I honestly never expected, who came to my side and just showed such strong support and friendship, it moved me to tears.
So, I am sorry for causing such upset. I hope everyone will accept my apologies for worrying you. I can’t say I’ll never deactivate again–because I don’t know what the future holds. But I am going to try my hardest not to. And even if I do, it will never be forever. Simply because I know a lot of people hotlink my stuff all over the web and I’d hate to have a gazillions red Xs all over pointing back to me!
Love you all. See you in a few weeks.
P.S. Please do not bring hate to my page in the meantime. I know full well most of the important people disagree with me. I don't need countless people telling me that I'm wrong, and it really is just *me* who has the problem. If you have an issues with me, feel free to vent all you want about it on your own page--just don't do it on my space. Any negativity will be hidden here.
And I know nobody really cares, but I'll be concentrating on my writing during this down time. If you are even half interested, you can follow it here on dA through #RelativityComic
EDIT: I am going to be having Jim change my password on this account so I can't peek in. I really need to force myself away. I do want everyone to know that I was not talking about my general friends and watchers not reaching out to me. So many of you have and still are. I was speaking about individuals directly or close-to the actual drama. But, as I mentioned, I'm not mad. Really just very very sad. I am one of those people who wears my heart on my sleeve and I am just still so wounded now. I am getting better, though, and know I'll be okay when I get back.
I will still be slightly active on my `mirz-alt account and Relativity (as I mentioned above), so if you really need to get a hold of me, that's where. Otherwise, I'll be back here in 2-3 weeks.
EDIT 2: Continued thanks to all who have written and reached out to me. It really means the world to me. Sadly, I am just not doing much better, but I hope that once the holidays pass, things will lighten up.
In the meantime, I love you all so much and I know you won't let me down. Please go to `BlissfullySarcastic's page and show her love. There were a lot of feelings hurt in this drama. She is really struggling too and I know a hug or a kind word would mean the world to her.